Finding My Crew

Excerpted from a speech written by NYC Outward Bound Schools senior Jovani Hernandez at our 2017 Gala

My name is Jovani Hernandez, and I’m a senior at Brooklyn Collaborative, which I am proud to say is a part of the NYC Outward Bound Schools network. For those of you new to NYC Outward Bound Schools, the organization operates a network of public schools all throughout New York City that use Outward Bound’s approach to learning. NYC Outward Bound Schools also collaborates with other organizations and schools throughout New York City to change the lives of students citywide.

I am honored to be standing here in front of all of you. In my freshman year I came to Brooklyn Collaborative extremely introverted. I combed my hair over my entire face, and gave short answers to everyone who tried to talk to me. My plan was simple: get in the classroom, get decent grades, and get out.

You see, I grew up in a single-parent household in Red Hook Projects in Brooklyn. My mother was very cautious about letting my brother and me go outside to play with other kids because she was aware of the gang violence, drug dealing, and other bad things happening in my neighborhood. My older brother, Luis, and my mother were the only people I felt I could ever open up to. I did well in school for them; they were my motivation to do so, they were also my biggest supporters. In my mind, as long as I had them, I could succeed in anything I wanted to do, and didn’t need anyone else.

Which is why when I was 14, and I first heard the phrase “crew, not passengers,” I didn’t think much of it. To me, Crew seemed pointless. I’d think to myself, “am I really going to spend the next 4 years of my life in 5th period with these people?”

That first year of Crew, I stayed distant from the group, and every time I opened my mouth to speak, it felt forced. This feeling was common for me: I was always the kid who didn’t want to become close to people outside of my family, the one who was unenthusiastic about participating in activities I felt were boring, and commonly known as the “party pooper.” The only time I wasn’t that person was when I was with mom and Luis.

When my brother graduated and went to attend college all the way in California before I started high school, I became even more withdrawn. Luis made up 50% of the people I felt comfortable being truly myself with, and it was hard to watch him go so far away. For the first time in my life, I felt a little alone. I felt like having people get close to me only created more chances for me to get hurt if they ever had to leave.

This all changed quickly my sophomore year. On February 16th of 2015 my mother passed of liver cancer unexpectedly. With her, I lost the only sense of stability I had left in Brooklyn. I lost my provider, my confidant, and my best friend. After her passing, I remember feeling even more alone…I no longer had my family.

When I got to crew the next day, I was expecting the typical, anonymous, pity that you’d expect from people who don’t really know you. The type of pity that I received the entire school day. But when I walked into Crew for our weekly “circle”, all eyes and ears were on me, and my crew mates genuinely listened to my thoughts and feelings without telling me how bad they felt for me. Their questions were “how can we support you in getting through this?” rather than “how are you getting through this?” Suddenly, in such a dark period of my life, a ray of light shined down on me. For the first time ever, I was able to open up to someone besides Luis or mom.

My crew became my new support system, taking care of me when my family couldn’t be there. Even though I no longer have parents in my life, the question of who I’m going to be spending holidays with is no cause of concern. On Thanksgiving, we eat as a crew, on Christmas, we celebrate in 5th period together. Four years away from that kid who was so isolated, I feel proud to say that 5th period has taught me the true meaning of “crew, not passengers.” While I was unwilling to see it before, my crew members were there at the right time to brush my bushy curls out of my eyes, and open them to the truth; we are family.

Every student deserves the opportunity to form this second family. I am proud to say that this August I will be moving from Red Hook to Franklin and Marshall College in Lancaster, Pennsylvania on a full-tuition Posse scholarship . I will not be afraid to let people in because my crew has taught me that there are more benefits than risks when forming bonds with people, and I will carry with me the individual initiative, leadership, teamwork abilities, and character that made me a good crewmate and a posse scholar.

Without a support system, it is hard to succeed in any setting; however, to obtain support systems, one must allow themselves to be helped, and recognize both their strengths and weaknesses. NYC Outward Bounds’ Crew has taught me this lesson, and because I now know this, I feel prepared to succeed anywhere, aware that I have the ability to form support systems, and will always have my crew when I need them. While many kids like me never get the opportunity to break out of that shell and develop this dexterity, NYC Outward Bound Schools push beyond just academic excellence, and teach us people skills and leadership qualities applicable to any stage of life.